How to Heal Your Perfectionism Shadow
The 'shadow self' was coined by Swiss psychologist Carl Jung.
The shadow represents the unconscious, repressed, or less visible aspects of one's personality.
In the case of perfectionism, the shadow refers to the hidden, negative aspects associated with the relentless pursuit of perfection(keep scrolling for a free seat at my upcoming masterclass!)
Acknowledge Your Shadow:
The perfectionism shadow is that inner voice constantly demanding flawless performance, setting impossibly high standards, and leaving no room for mistakes or vulnerability. Here are some ways this shadow manifests:
Self-Criticism: your immediate reaction after receiving a 90/100 on a test is disappointment and to fixate on the ten points you missed rather than celebrate yourself.
Fear of Failure: not trying out for the volleyball team because you think you won't make the team.
Procrastination: spending hours over-analyzing your TikTok video and never posting it.
Imposter Syndrome: attributing the success of your presentation at work to your colleagues.
Burnout: working on the weekends and holidays, sacrificing your personal time, to meet deadlines and exceed expectations.
Shadow Origins:
For many of you, love came with conditions.
You were showered with affection when you succeeded, excelled, or made the adults in your lives proud. Yet, the moment you faltered, fell short or dared to be yourself in a way that didn't meet their approval, love seemed to vanish.
Instead, you faced punishment, neglect, or criticism.
These early experiences ingrained in you the belief that "to be loved, I must constantly prove my worth." And so, your lives became a series of performances and achievements, seeking validation through your actions.
Ironically, perfectionism emerged as a brilliant defense mechanism.
Free How to Overcome Perfectionism Masterclass
This masterclass on Thursday, November 16th at 4 pm CST is designed to help you understand the core of your perfectionism and provide tools to overcome it. We'll explore the roots of your perfectionistic tendencies, unravel triggers, and delve into effective strategies for embracing imperfections.
Steps to Integrate:
The first step in healing is → identify where your perfectionism is dominating your life.
Which areas of my life do I feel the strongest pressure to be perfect?
What are some unrealistic standards or expectations I set for myself in various aspects of my life?
Do I avoid trying new things or taking risks because I fear not being perfect at them?
Do I find it difficult to delegate tasks or ask for help because I believe I should be able to handle everything perfectly on my own?
The second step to healing is → take a small action step to be imperfect.
If you feel like you have to be perfect in order to be loved or to feel more worthy DON'T SKIP THIS STEP!
To your conscious mind, you know this might not be true, but your body doesn't know that. This is why you have to SHOW your body that it is still safe being imperfect.
With the journal prompts from above, choose one area where your perfectionism is overtaking your life. Now, choose one action you can begin to take to be imperfect, here are some examples:
When someone celebrates you practice saying inside your head "I receive this."
Post the video that's sitting in your drafts
Allow an email/text to go unread over the weekend
The third step to healing is → sit in the discomfort.
This is your warning! It's very uncomfortable to sit in this space of imperfection as you retrain your brain and body not to be perfect.
When you're in discomfort the main goal is to show your brain and body that nothing bad will happen. Because your brain learns from repetition this is ultimately how you heal your perfectionism.
Until you next week,
Jordan
