Ambition as a Coping Mechanism
“When someone remotely upsets means I develop the overwhelming urge and motivation to become extremely successful so then they feel bad for not being nice to me”
The strong urge and motivation to become extremely successful after someone has been mean to you can be triggered by several factors: desire for validation, response to rejection, self-preservation, fear of inferiority, or a sense of justice.
Acknowledge Your Shadow:
Focusing intensely on achievements can temporarily distract you from the emotional pain caused by the meanness.
In this case, your drive for success is actually a coping mechanism.
This is a psychological strategy or behavior that you use to manage, tolerate, or adapt to stressful situations or emotions. They often develop in response to early life experiences, trauma, or challenging situations.
If you have experienced emotional pain or mistreatment, the pursuit of success can become a coping mechanism. Here's how it works:
Temporary Distraction: achieving success, whether it's in academics or career can provide a temporary distraction from negative emotions. When you are deeply engaged in working toward a goal, your focus is on the tasks at hand, diverting your attention away from emotional pain or past mistreatment.
Goal-Oriented Focus: setting and achieving goals provides a structured, goal-oriented focus. This focus gives you a sense of purpose and direction, which can be especially valuable when other aspects of your life might feel chaotic or emotionally challenging.
Escape from Negative Emotions: achievements, especially in the eyes of society or those who have mistreated you, can temporarily boost self-esteem and create a feeling of worthiness. This positive external validation can serve as an escape from negative emotions such as unworthiness or sadness, at least for a while.
Control and Empowerment: in a world where you might have felt powerless or mistreated, achieving success provides a tangible way to assert control over your life and circumstances. It can create a feeling of being in charge, which contrasts with the vulnerability often associated with experiencing emotional pain.
It's essential to recognize that while this coping mechanism might offer temporary relief, it doesn't address the underlying emotional pain.
Over time, this can lead to a cycle where you continually strive for success to avoid confronting your emotions.
Long-term healing often involves acknowledging and processing these emotions directly, rather than using external achievements as a constant distraction.
Steps to Integrate:
The first step in healing is → awareness.
What role has success played in my life as a coping mechanism for emotional pain or mistreatment?
When did I first notice myself using success as a way to distract from negative emotions?
What emotions am I trying to avoid or escape when I immerse myself in achieving success?
The second step is to → identify your triggers.
Identify situations or memories where you tend to feel the need to achieve or succeed excessively. What emotions are triggered in these situations?
Reflect on past instances when you felt mistreated or emotionally hurt. How did your drive for success manifest afterward?
Are there specific people or situations that consistently trigger the need for achievement as a coping response? What are these triggers?
The third step is → acceptance.
Describe a situation where you allowed yourself to be vulnerable and express your true emotions. How did it feel? What did you learn from the experience?
Reflect on role models or fictional characters who demonstrate strength through vulnerability. What lessons can you draw from their experiences?
Write a letter to your younger self, acknowledging the emotions they felt during difficult times. Offer them the understanding and comfort they needed at that time.
Lastly, in order to change this on a subconscious level you need → a guided ThetaHealing meditation.
Find a comfortable seated position. Either sitting on a cushion on the floor or in a chair. Allow your spine to be straight and long and let your shoulders drop. Push play on this Emotional Awareness meditation and gently close your eyes.
Enjoy the meditation. I’ll see you next week! xx
Jordan
