Losing Yourself in Relationships? Shadow Work for Codependency
“I fully support my ex-boyfriend. I pay his rent, all his bills, I send him money when his account is low and he has a credit card that he can just use at any time...”
The Shadow Described:
Codependency
Acknowledge Your Shadow:
Codependency is characterized by an excessive reliance on others for one's sense of self-worth, identity, and emotional well-being, often to the detriment of one's own needs and boundaries.
In codependent relationships, individuals may become enmeshed with their partners, family members, or loved ones, making it challenging to distinguish their own thoughts, feelings, and desires from those of others.
This can look like:
Over-accommodating behavior
Lack of boundaries
Fear of rejection
Identity fusion
Fixing & rescuing behavior
The root of codependency is often traced back to early life experiences, particularly those involving attachment, upbringing, and family dynamics.
A real-life example of this can be growing up with a parent who has a substance abuse issue.
You grow up in a household where one or both parents struggle with substance abuse, such as alcohol or drugs.
You take on the role of caregiver, trying to maintain a sense of stability in the family.
You become overly responsible, attempting to hide or cover up your parent's addiction, and may feel responsible for your parent's well-being.
As an adult, you develop codependent behaviors, seeking validation and self-worth through caregiving and struggling to set healthy boundaries in relationships.
It's important to note that the root causes of codependency can vary from person to person. Many individuals may have multiple contributing factors.
Additionally, not everyone who experiences these factors will develop codependent behaviors.
However, recognizing the root causes and seeking guidance can be the first step toward breaking free from codependency and building healthier, more balanced relationships.
To see a real-time example of this shadow CLICK HERE.
Stop Losing Yourself in Relationships
In this 1:1 shadow work session, we'll delve deep into healing your codependency shadow, enabling you to find your true self within relationships. Through self-awareness and exploration of subconscious patterns, you'll uncover the roots of codependency, including family dynamics and past traumas. Using powerful tools like subconscious reprogramming and EFT tapping, I'll help you set healthy boundaries and prioritize self-care. By the end, you'll have the insight and tools to stop losing yourself in relationships, foster healthier connections, and nurture self-love.
Steps to Integrate:
The first step in healing this shadow is → awareness.
How do you typically feel when you perceive that someone may be upset or disappointed with you?
Do you often prioritize the needs and desires of others over your own? Can you provide examples of times when you've done this?
Are there any recurring negative beliefs or self-critical thoughts that you associate with your codependency?
The second step is to → explore your past.
Explore your attachment style. Attachment theory suggests that early attachment experiences with caregivers can influence adult relationships. Consider whether you had a secure, anxious, or avoidant attachment style and how it may have affected your relationships.
Lastly, in order to heal this shadow you need → subconscious reprogramming.
My preferred method of subconscious reprogramming for codependency is EFT tapping. This is a technique that combines tapping on specific acupressure points with affirmations.
You can use EFT tapping as a tool for positive visualization, where you tap while imagining yourself responding to codependency triggers in a healthy, self-affirming way.
Do you need this? Book an EFT Tapping session with me!
Remember that codependency is a learned behavior, and it can be unlearned with commitment and self-compassion.
Healing your codependency shadow is a path to healthier, more authentic, and fulfilling relationships with others and, most importantly, with yourself!
Until next week,
Jordan
