Being Needy & The Shadow of Shame
This blog is from my weekly series ‘Shadow Confessions’ of anonymous disclosures revealing others' deepest secrets & hidden feelings.
Within this offering, you will see yourself in others, learn how to acknowledge your shadow & receive practical tips so your shadow no longer handicaps your potential.
“How do I navigate the thought of being needy or simply having needs?”
Triggered Feeling:
Being needy often comes with a feeling of shame.
Acknowledge Your Shadow:
First, understand when you were born you were completely dependent on your caretakers, making you "needy". Slowly, you learned how to do things for yourself. At the same time, you might have experienced shame for not being independent enough.
The development you endured as a child contributes to the immaturity you now experience as an adult asking for your needs to be met. This can look like being:
Too dependent
Anti-dependent
Needless/Wantless
And most likely struggling with one or more of the following:
Relying too much on the advice of others
Forgetting to eat/ drink enough water
Not knowing when you need to rest
Being unaware of your own opinion
Not asking for help & trying to do everything on your own
Steps to Integrate:
Identify which category you identify most with to understand more of your relationships with your needs.
Too dependent: Do you rely on others too much?
Anti-dependent: Do you find pride in being able to do everything yourself?
Needless/wantless: Do you eat when you're hungry? Go to the bathroom when you need to urinate?
Reminder: there's no shame here! The fact is, you didn’t get what you needed as a child and now as an adult, these are areas of emotional immaturity that haven’t had a chance to grow up yet. You're doing the work now! To explore this deeper go here.
Next, take a risk.
Too dependent: do something you'd usually want to experience with another person, but alone
Anti-dependent: ask for help from a trusted person in your life
Needless/wantless: tune into yourself & do one thing different
The goal is to have interdependence in your life. This is how you meet your unmet needs, understand needs are healthy & valid, and have realistic expectations of others.
Interdependence: when you're able to take care of yourself when you can and ask for help when you need it
Until next week,
Jordan
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